Ask the Etiquette Expert

Etiquette Expert Diane Gottsman answers your most pressing etiquette and modern manners questions on this page. We take all etiquette questions into consideration, but due to volume not all questions can be addressed. Simply fill out the contact form and we’ll do our very best to answer it here for you.

Productive Back to the Office Morning Routines

Dear Diane, It’s been a “long hard minute” since I have seen the inside of my office and in a

The Downside to Working From Bed

Dear Diane, I have been working from home for the past eight months and I feel as if I have

Vaccine and Mask Etiquette

Dear Diane, There are so many new social rules when it comes to spending time with people outside of my

How to Talk to Your Partner About Money

Dear Diane, My fiancé and I have been engaged for two years and we are now planning our wedding—and money

Keep Your College Skills Sharp

I am on summer break from college, and after a semester of online training due to COVID-19, I fear I

Canceling Your Wedding Q&A’s

What is the first thing I should do if I need to cancel our wedding? Consult your wedding planner and

8 Steps For Working from Home

Due to the coronavirus pandemic, all of my friends and I have found ourselves working from home...

Avoid Loneliness While Social Distancing

Do you have any ideas for avoiding loneliness while I am social distancing?...

Email Etiquette: Using Titles and Designations

Dear Diane, Questions have come up around the designations in my email signature from time to time and I am

Baggage Claim Etiquette

Hey Diane, I have a travel pet peeve and I am wondering if this is something you have tackled. I

Who Pays on the First Date?

Dear Diane, Who pays on the first date? I have recently joined the online dating world and I find myself

Valentine’s Day Surprise Predicament

Dear Diane, I am in a Valentine's Day dilemma. I have planned a much-awaited reunion with three of my high

The Etiquette of Hosting Family and Friends

Dear Diane, I need your help! I'm hoping you can offer advice as to how to handle a situation I

How to Be More Confident at Work

Dear Diane, I recently came to the realization that I might be sabotaging my own career! If you were to

How to Ask for a Raise

Dear Diane, My one year work anniversary is just around the corner (I have two months to go at the

How to Ask for a Favor

Dear Diane, I recently graduated and have started my first job. My boss has scheduled me for a shift I

How to Eat an Oyster

Dear Diane, My wife and I recently relocated to the coast of South Carolina and are delighted at the array

The Etiquette of AirPods

Dear Diane, My fiance recently surprised me with a pair of AirPods for my birthday. Now that I am wearing

10 Ways to Make the Most of Your Lunch Break

Dear Diane, I’ve worked at my current job for six months and have fallen into the habit of eating lunch

The Etiquette of Tipping Apps

Hi Diane, I have a question I haven't seen addressed anywhere yet and am hoping you can shed some light

Business Etiquette: Building Resilience in the Face of Change

Dear Diane, The CEO of my company recently announced an unanticipated restructure. While I like to pride myself on generally

Putting the Spark Back in the Work Week

Dear Diane, I recently landed a full-time position at an engineering firm that was in my top three choices when

Enneagram Type 4: The Individualist

Dear Diane, I would like your opinion on something. I recently found the Enneagram personality types and the information has

Slack Etiquette Dilemma

Dear Diane, My department made the switch to Slack for project communications several months ago, and overall, it’s been a

Advice on Changing Careers

Dear Diane, After ignoring my gut instinct for several years, I think I’m finally ready to pursue a new career.

Creating a Home Office That ‘Sparks Joy’

Dear Diane, Like many others, I’m enthralled with the Netflix series Tidying Up with Marie Kondo. I’d like to channel

Researching a Company’s Work Culture

Dear Diane, I’ve been interviewing for new job opportunities in 2019 and am thankful to say I’ve received two solid

When to Add Milk and Sugar to Your Cup of Tea

Dear Diane, I have recently become fascinated with the tradition of tea, in great part because I enjoy reading your

Brewing Loose Leaf Tea and Using a Tea Strainer

I recently answered a reader question about Afternoon Tea etiquette in honor of National Hot Tea Month. Here's another tea

When Should You Remove Your Baseball Cap?

Dear Diane, I work from home and often visit a nearby coffee shop for a midday pick-me-up and a change

Afternoon Tea Etiquette

Dear Diane, Lately, I’ve been feeling inspired to host my very first Afternoon Tea for a few close friends. Of

How to Answer the Job Interview Question “Why Were You Fired?”

Dear Diane, I’m in the market for a new job opportunity after being unexpectedly let go from a startup. Their

What to Do With an Unwanted Gift

Dear Diane, My 91-year-old grandmother gave me a gold watch for Christmas last year. Sadly, I don’t like it and

Regifting Etiquette: Is It Ever Okay?

Dear Diane, I’ve always thought that regifting is fine as long as the item is newly wrapped and there is

Holiday Hostess Gift Etiquette

Dear Diane, I’ll be meeting my fiancé’s family for the first time over the holidays. I’m invited to their mountain

Holiday Traditions: How to Change the Party Format

Dear Diane, Having friends and family over for our annual Christmas movie marathon is a highlight of the season. My

Awkward Holiday Moments: The Etiquette of Explaining a Break-Up

Dear Diane, My longtime boyfriend and I recently parted ways; we realized that our goals were entirely different and we

The Difference Between Dinner vs. Supper

Dear Diane, I notice that some of my friends invite us over for “dinner” while others use the word “supper”

Holiday Etiquette: How to Skip Dessert Without Offending Your Host

Dear Diane, I’ve recently changed my eating habits and have experienced better health and finally gotten my weight under control. I

4 Ways to Implement a No Phones Policy on Thanksgiving

Dear Diane, I was wondering about your thoughts on cell phone use during dinner. (I think I can guess your

How to Keep Your Halloween Party Civil and Not Scary

Dear Diane,   This year I’m hosting my first Halloween party. I’ve hosted smaller events at my house in the

Thank You Note Follow-Up Etiquette

Dear Diane, I have a question regarding thank you notes. My grandmother passed away a week ago and my family

How Do I Say “No” to Throwing an Expensive Baby Shower?

Hello Diane,   A friend of mine is expecting a baby and I volunteered to throw her a baby shower.

How to Address an Invasion of Privacy on Social Media

Dear Diane,   A friend of mine recently shared some of my personal information on social media without my consent.

How to Handle Your Boss Resigning

Dear Diane,   My boss recently left and I am struggling with “what’s next” for me. His position has not

Dealing With a Family Braggart

Dear Diane,   I have a sister in law who consistently “toots her own horn” every time we get together

Waiting Room Etiquette

Dear Diane,   I have found myself in the midst of a medical situation which has caused me to make

Afternoon Tea

Dear Diane,   A group of friends are planning a baby shower tea party. We would like for it to

Helping a Loved One Deal with Grief Around a Holiday

While the holidays are typically joyous occasions, they can also bring sadness to those who are mourning a loss of

Valentine’s Day “Love Note” Etiquette

Dear Diane, I am at a loss. Valentine’s Day is around the corner and I want to send a special

Setting the Thanksgiving Table

If you're hosting Thanksgiving dinner this year, this table setting guide is a useful tool to help you set the

How to Host Your First Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving is synonymous with heart and home. For those who are just starting out and establishing their own family traditions,

How to Plan the Perfect “Friendsgiving”

While Thanksgiving is a ritual that often involves a combination of relatives, rich food, football, travel and mandatory family togetherness, Friendsgiving is,

Who to Tip at Your Wedding

When planning a wedding budget, it’s easy to feel overwhelmed or get confused on who should get a tip. With

Slack Etiquette

Dear Diane, My company just started using Slack and I’m having all sorts of anxiety! I’m learning how to use

Interview Etiquette: Follow Up

Dear Diane, I am a new college graduate and I am recently faced with going on multiple job interviews. Many

Online Dating Etiquette

Dear Diane, I've been considering online dating for a while, but I don't feel prepared to take the plunge. It's

Dealing With a Coworker Who Wears Strong Perfume

Dear Diane, I work closely with a colleague who wears very strong scented cologne. I go home with a headache every

Hostess Gift Etiquette

Dear Diane, I love to entertain and often invite people over to my apartment for dinner. I am always stumped

Going Sleeveless in the Workplace

Dear Diane, It’s hot outside and my  boss won’t let us wear anything sleeveless during the work day. Is it

Housewarming Party Etiquette

Dear Diane, My husband and I are moving into our first house and I'd like to throw a housewarming party.

Mother-In-Law Dilemma

Dear Diane, My mother-in-law is recently divorced. She’s been spending a great deal of her free time going out with

Tipping the Uber/Lyft Driver

It finally happened! Uber has announced they are rolling out a new feature allowing passengers to tip their driver with

Travel Tipping Etiquette Quiz

Diane Gottsman answers your vacation tipping questions. This segment aired on WOAI Channel 4 San Antonio Living.

Do I Tip the Dog Groomer?

If you're a pet owner, you're likely on a first-name basis with your local groomer, particularly if you own a

How To Effectively (and Politely) Work With a Home Contractor

Dear Diane, My husband says I’m too pushy when it comes to working with our contractor and his employees who

Travel Tipping Etiquette

Tipping can be confusing under the best of circumstances. Add air travel, hotel stays and ground transportation and you can

Courtesy in Office Cubicles

Dear Diane, I work in tight quarters and am looking for some ideas on how to maintain a productive work

Staying Productive While Looking for a Job

Dear Diane, I have been looking for a job since I graduated in December. I have yet to find a

How to Dress at a Summer Wedding

Dear Diane, My brother is getting married on July 1st. There will be an outdoor ceremony and indoor reception. I

Parking Etiquette: Anonymous Windshield Notes

Dear Diane, I live in an apartment complex where we have assigned parking. My neighbor always parks too close on

Asking for Time Off in the Summer

Dear Diane, I've been with my job for a little less than a year and I would like to take

Mother’s Day Gift for Daughters

Dear Diane, I recently watched a television segment where you mention a Mother’s Day gift for daughters. Is this something

Should Bridesmaids Wear White?

Dear Diane, I have heard that the only person who can wear white to the wedding is the bride. I

Travel Smart on Your Next Business Trip

From overweight suitcases to oozing shampoo bottles, packing mishaps are common for many travelers. Whether you’re commuting for business, pleasure

How to Quit Your Job Without Burning a Bridge

It can be tough to find your dream profession; millennials know this first hand. Young professionals finding their calling frequently

Table Setting Diagram

How to Get Your Emails Read

Everyone knows the frustration of an overflowing inbox. Given the sheer volume of messages, most people simply can't read them

How to Cancel a Wedding

You have purchased the beautiful white dress and heels but suddenly your walk down the aisle has taken a detour.

Destination Wedding Etiquette

Whether sailing the ocean blue or traveling to a distant land, a destination wedding may be in your future. Before

Social Media at a Wedding for Guests

Whether traveling to a distant country or cruising the ocean blue, a destination wedding may be in your future. Before

Properly Storing Your Winter Clothing

Dear Diane,   Now that Spring is here it's time to switch out my winter work clothing for lighter fabrics,

Wedding Etiquette 101 – Planning your Wedding

Planning your big wedding day is no small feat. Between selecting the perfect invitation to finding the right vendors, the

Removing Shoes at House Parties

Dear Diane,   I was recently invited to a house party. When I arrived, the host asked me to remove

Leaving a First Impression that Leads to a Second Chance

Dear Diane, I have always heard that first impressions matter. I am wondering how important they really are when it

5 Traits of a Great Virtual Assistant

Dear Diane, I am considering hiring an extra set of hands for my company. I have been told by many

How to Write an Effective Cover Letter

Dear Diane, I am interviewing for a new job and am finding it difficult to write a cover letter without

Email Etiquette: How to Address Names in Emails

Dear Diane, I recently received an email from someone who addressed me as Mr., when I am a female with

How to Thrive in the World of Online Dating

Dear Diane, I am 23, recently out of a two year relationship and looking to put myself back out there.

Helping a Friend Through a Breakup

Dear Diane, One of my best friends has been dating a guy for almost three years. They recently broke up

Valentine’s Day Gifts for Him

Dear Diane,   I’ve been dating a guy for almost three months, and I’m curious about Valentine’s Day which is

Accepting Criticism

Dear Diane, I recently started working for a company that offers an extensive training program. During the training, we were

Wedding Gift Etiquette

Dear Diane, After tying the knot several months ago, my husband and I are finally getting around to organizing the

Easter Dining Etiquette: Gravy Boat Dilemma

Dear Diane, Easter is in a few days, and I always get stumped when I serve gravy from my grandmother’s

Office Etiquette: Why Can’t We Be Friends?

Dear Diane, I was recently brought in to assist the accounting department for a large manufacturing business. Since joining the

Wedding Etiquette: Can I Opt for a Cash Bar?

Dear Diane, My fiancé and I are in the process of reviewing several catering options for our wedding this summer.

Formal Dress Attire: The Definition of Black Tie

Dear Diane, My wife and I are excited to attend the annual spring business gala hosted by my legal firm.

Dinner Invitation Etiquette

Dear Diane, We were recently invited to a longtime friend's home for dinner. As soon as we arrived, we found

Airplane Etiquette: How to Deal with a Talkative Seatmate

Dear Diane, My job requires weekly travel, providing me with the opportunity to meet some very interesting people. During my

Destination Wedding Etiquette

  Dear Diane, Next spring, one of my friends is having a rustic country wedding at a scenic, California ranch.

Making a New Holiday Gift Giving Tradition

  Dear Diane, During the holidays, my siblings and I typically purchase presents for each other’s children. In the early years,

Office Happy Hour Etiquette

Dear Diane, I am a part of a collaborative co-working space that has many perks. For instance, every Friday our

Losing a Gift: Friendship Etiquette

  Dear Diane, One of my friends, who does not have a lot of expendable cash, gave me a gorgeous

Making a Career Change

  Dear Diane, After a brief hiatus, I’m eager to jump back into a career in the tourism industry, but

Social Media Etiquette – Your Online Image

  Dear Diane, I have two children in college who spend a large part of their free time connected to social

Travel Dilemma

  Dear Diane, Six months ago, I agreed to attend a family reunion my sister is planning. When she asked me

Interview Etiquette: Tattoos

Dear Diane, As a recent college graduate, I am in the midst of the job search process. With an interview in

Office Etiquette: What to Do When You Stain Your Clothes

Dear Diane, Last month I was chosen to lead a team-building presentation for my entire department. While working through my

Business Etiquette: When Colleagues Give You a Nickname

Dear Diane, I have been trying to resolve an office predicament regarding my name. I began a new job several weeks ago

Dining Etiquette: Splitting the Bill

Dear Diane, Recently, a few friends of mine planned a weekend retreat in Chicago. Our local host recommended we visit

Bathroom Etiquette

Dear Diane, I need your to help settle a bet. Ever since my husband and I got married, we haven’t

Baby Shower Etiquette

Dear Diane, My friend recently moved from Florida to California, and I will fly in for her baby shower. However,

Dinner Party and Entertaining Etiquette

Hello Diane, My wife and I are big on etiquette and entertaining and have made a real effort to include

Dinner Party Etiquette

Dear Diane, I recently attended a housewarming dinner party for one of my coworkers and had a wonderful time. I

Business Attire Advice

Dear Diane, I am a recent college graduate and find myself in new territory when it comes to putting together

Baby Shower Etiquette

Dear Diane, My son and his wife are expecting a baby and asked to use our home for their baby

Job Interview Etiquette

Dear Diane, I recently landed a job at a corporation that has been on the top of my list since

Birthday Etiquette

Dear Diane, Every year I start to receive birthday cards and gifts from my family as early as one month

Business Travel Etiquette

Dear Diane, I am new to my company and recently attended an out of town business meeting with some colleagues

Father’s Day Etiquette

Dear Diane, My father is 85 and unable to leave his house without requiring extensive effort to accommodate his wheelchair

Job Interview Etiquette

Hi Diane, I interviewed last Tuesday with the HR Director of a University for a position in an academic department.

Friendship Etiquette

Dear Diane, I recently reconnected with a high school friend and we met over lunch to catch up on each

Business Etiquette for Late Employees

Dear Diane, I have an employee who is constantly late to work. On average, he arrives tardy to the office

Client Texting Dilemma

Dear Diane, With a career in sales and marketing, it’s standard to include my cell number on my business card

Baby Shower Etiquette

Dear Diane, A close friend is expecting her first child and has asked me to kindly host her baby shower.

Kentucky Derby Etiquette

Dear Diane, Every year my friends and I plan at least one big trip and a few smaller outings together

Graduation Etiquette

Dear Diane, What is the rule of thumb when it comes to exchanging gifts between graduating seniors? My daughter was recently invited to

Business Attire Etiquette

Dear Diane, What is your take on sandals with hose? Our corporate policy states that sandals are allowed in the

Graduation Etiquette

Dear Diane, What is the difference between a graduation invitation and a graduation announcement? I received a card from my

Wedding Shower Etiquette

Dear Diane, My daughter is having a small, private wedding with only a few friends and family members invited. She

Job Interview Etiquette

Dear Diane, I am currently interviewing for a job with a large company and am wondering about the protocol for

Houseguest Etiquette

Dear Diane, Is it too much to ask a houseguest to clean their hair out of the drain? After their

Dining Etiquette

Dear Diane, I was recently at a New York deli (visiting from a small town in Oregon) and ordered a simple

Wedding Etiquette

Dear Diane: Is it okay to exclude my friends’ husbands when sending out invitations to my daughter's wedding? Most of

Travel Etiquette with Friends

Dear Diane, My friend and I recently took a trip, each of us bringing our one daughter. She chose the hotel

Thank You Note Etiquette

Dear Diane, I am getting married in a few months and have received several shower and early wedding presents. I

White Tie Etiquette

Dear Diane, I was invited to an event that didn't specify the dress code clearly. What is the true definition

Family Holiday Etiquette

Dear Diane, My son is coming home from college and is bringing his girlfriend. I still have teens in the

Holiday Gift Etiquette

Dear Diane, My in-laws insist on giving my kids money instead of gifts. I think it's offensive and have voiced

Holiday Restaurant Tipping Etiquette

Dear Diane, Is it customary to tip my restaurant server additional gratuity because it’s the holiday season? I’m always so

Holiday Etiquette: Where to Stay

Dear Diane, My family consists of two small children and we spend every holiday shuttling from one house to another

Gift Giving Etiquette

Dear Diane, Do I have to give a present to everyone who gives one to me? I am having trouble

Polite Holiday Etiquette

Dear Diane, My brother is bringing his new girlfriend to my home on Christmas Eve. We generally all open our

Cyber Monday Office Etiquette

Dear Diane, Today is Cyber Monday, the first day back after an extended Thanksgiving break. I can’t help but notice

Holiday Table Setting Etiquette

Dear Diane, I have a question about table settings. I am confused as to which side the soup spoon is placed

Holiday Greeting Card Etiquette

Dear Diane, I am getting ready to send out my business greeting cards in a couple of weeks and I

Email Thank You for Job Interview

Dear Diane, Should I email a thank you note after a job interview? Thank you, J Dear J, While I

Greeting Etiquette When in a Relationship

Dear Diane, I have a large group of single girlfriends and a wonderful boyfriend. We often get together for dinners